The Selfish desires of Severus Snape
by Sitting Pretty Still
Summary: Snape loves Lily. Too much. What happens when he sees her and that idiot Potter? Rated M for murder and kissing against will. AU, one-shot


AU universe. Rated M for safety; death, against will kissing etc. No sex, so sorry to dissapoint.

All is JKRowlings

* * *

Severus was in a good mood at the end of the day. He'd gotten an E in Charms, and once again come top in Potions and Defence against the Dark Arts. He smiled to himself, dreaming of what he'd do after school. With the grades he was getting, it would be easy to make it to the Ministry, to work in Hogwarts, to do anything he wished

_And when I do, I can finally win back Lilly..._ None of it mattered, if he couldn't have her. She had been his first friend, his first love, and now his first obsession. _There has to be a way_, he thought, _to make her love me. I can't just leave her for James Potter, or another scumbag blood traitor like him. Always around the muggles. Well, it makes them practically muggle themselves. Like the badness rubbed off on them. _He paused, thinking of his Lilly's unfortunate parentage. But it was a mistake, it had to be. She should have been a pureblood: that much was obvious. She was so talented, so beautiful, and so kind. How could she be a mudblood? An error of genetics, that was all. It was unimportant.

His good mood gone, Severus walked broodingly down the familiar steps to the Slytherin common room. When he got there, he'd have to be careful to avoid Avery. There had been a huge fight yesterday night, and Avery had accused Snape of being a muggle lover. _As if._.. Why would he want anything to do with the filthy creatures? Look at his father, the most evil man he'd ever met. Always shouting, always angry, never ceasing in his punishment of Snape, or Snape's mother.

_It's like a disease_, he thought bitterly, _a disease of the blood. Every muggle has it in them. Oh, they might not show it, but it's there. Lurking. Ready to ensnare the unwary._ Snape was so deep in thought, he almost collided with a shadowy couple, making use of the previously empty corridor.

"Sorry" he muttered, blushing slightly and backing away.

"No problem, Snivellus!" replied a smug, horribly familiar voice. Snape's head whipped up, and he found himself gaping at James Potter and...

"Lilly!"

"Oh! Snape." Lilly looked embarrassed, Snape noticed. She was flushed and was quickly smoothing down her hair.

"You...you...Potter! No! You promised me you would _never_ date Potter!" It felt like a huge fist had grasped Severus's heart and was squeezing tight. He couldn't believe his eyes. Unless maybe...

"Is he forcing you? That's it, isn't it! Potter, if you've harmed one hair on her head-"

"No, Sev. He's not forcing me. Look, I know what I said. But you don't know him, and...well..."

"No girl can resist me for long" cut in James, winking smarmily, as he draped his arm over Lilly's shoulder. "Sorry to disappoint. I know you had your eye on her."

By the time Lilly had started to scold James for teasing Snape, he had run off, tears falling freely, until far away from the kissing couple, he fell weeping to his knees in an empty corridor. His legs scraped painfully against the rough stone, causing blood to trickle gently from the scrapes, but he was too distraught to notice.

_How could she betray me! How could she ever touch that FILTH. I love her, not him! I know her! It was me that helped her in her first year...How DARE he! He'll pay for this._

After what could have been hours (indeed, the light seemed darker to Snape), he rose and walked calmly to his common room. His mind was suddenly filled with an icy clarity that told him exactly what he must do. But it had to be timed carefully. He took a shower, washing away the final traces of his tears and blood. All the while he was scheming, plotting, planning. It was all so simple! How could he not thought of this before!

After his shower, he dressed in his best robes (these things had to be done stylishly, after all) and hurried out of his dorm, wand in hand. He knew his quarry well; knew that at this time she'd be walking back to her common room, probably alone. She liked to be alone, did his Lilly. And she was his. Or if not yet, she would be. He hid behind the stone bust of Umbric the Intelligent. _How fitting. I must be a genius_. He thought.

He had waited only five minutes, just long enough for his legs to start cramping, before she appeared. In his hyper sensitive state, he saw how her eyes and nose were red, as if she'd be crying. Well, there was no need for tears. Soon, she'd feel no more pain. And she'd be his. The way she was always supposed to be.

He stepped out from behind the statue. "Lilly." He called softly, savouring the sound of her name on his lips.

"Oh, Severus..." She wiped her eyes. Pointless, really. He could tell she'd been upset, and she knew that he knew.

"Fancy seeing you here, Lilly." As he spoke, he stalked forwards slowly, enjoying the look of confusion on her face. She wouldn't be like that for long. Soon, she'd want him. He could tell.

"What...Severus, were you waiting for me?" She looked nervous now. This was a little disturbing to Severus, but not very. It would change. As he was mere inches away from his love, he halted.

And leant in.

And kissed her.

It was the most magical feeling he'd ever experienced in his life. So much better than he'd imagined, as if electricity was coursing around his body.

He was unprepared for the slap. The sound of it reverberated around the echoing corridor, and her hand left a dark red imprint on his face.

"What do you think you are _doing_?" Fury infused her face, her eyes pale, wide, shocked.

"Lilly! Don't pretend!" He was almost in tears himself, at this point. "It's me you love! Not Potter! Tell the truth!"

"Look, Sev, maybe I could have. Emphasis on the COULD. But you blew it, years ago! There's no going back." She tried to brush past him.

"Why the rush, Lilly? Eager to see him? Eager to see your blood traitor boyfriend? Well tough. I didn't want to do this, Lilly, but I have no choice"

HE raised his arm, wand clutched in his hand and whispered, quietly the words.

"_**Avada Kedavra"**_

Lilly dropped like a stone, her face fixed in a final expression of terror and shock. Snape caught her gently, and lay her down on the stone floor. He fancied that he could see the life leaving her eyes, though of course, it was far too late. Her face was curiously wet, and it was then that Severus realised he was crying, fat salty tears that fell from his face and splashed over eyes, her lips, her cheeks.

He kissed those lips, just once more, tasting the salt from his tears. There was no more spark between them: it was as if he was kissing marble.

_Now...the final step._ Lying down next to Lilly carefully, he hugged her close to him and pointed his wand at himself. He couldn't stop grinning, even through the tears. They would finally be together.

"_**Avada Kedavra"**_

* * *

****

**_Thanks for reading. Please, R&R_**


End file.
